Dear Beth:
I am having a tough time deciding which camp to attend. My friends are all going to a popular camp in upstate New York. I have put on weight this year, and my doctor recommended I attend a summer program for weight loss, aka a fat camp! I really am torn because I am not happy at my present weight, but I would love to be with my friends.
—Sarah, Roslyn, New York

Sarah,
Could this be about control? You hold the remote to your life. Turn the power on and use control. If you think it would be helpful for you to attend a supportive, supervised weight management program this summer, then you should go. My experience with weight management camps has been very positive. Teens at such camps learn techniques and gain insight for maintaining healthy lifestyles.

Most camps have daily activities that promote the physical component of a healthy weight loss. But, unlike weight-loss camps, in traditional camps, it is up to you to monitor what you eat.

If you struggle with portion sizes, a weight management camp might be helpful for teaching you about proper food consumption. The summer is a good time to take a break from friends and to take care of you.

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Dear Beth:
My stepmother is always gushing over my half-sister. Nothing I ever do seems to be good enough.

I have tried expressing this to my father, but he says I am being too sensitive and it is all in my head. My half-sister can do no wrong. She is the star. All my friends and some family members see this. I feel like vomiting every single time people praise my half-sister for some little thing. And I feel like screaming when family members ignore the things I do. I wish I could live with my real mother, however, I have to live where I always come in last.
—Nathan, Fort Lee, New Jersey

Nathan,
It sounds like your feelings are not being validated at home, and that is important for any child or adult.

What courage you have to disclose such a sensitive issue. Obviously the compassion you get from people who see what you are feeling is supportive. The goal now is to find a way to communicate the lack of equality you’re experiencing at home to your stepmother and father. You need to have your voice heard.

Have you tried writing a letter? I generally encourage kids to try and talk to their parents first before bringing in outside support. If this doesn’t work, you might want to ask your father if he would go with you to speak with a mental health professional. Usually when a parent hears this request, he or she begins to realize there is a potential problem that needs to get addressed. You might not be able to change your stepmother’s style, but you can speak out and be heard. The most crucial thing to remember is just how very special you are.

During this time, if you feel you are not being nurtured at home, reach out to the positive people in your life. It could take a while for the situation at home to improve, even if you decide to work with a mental health professional. Be aware of the times you feel good about you. Who are you with? What are you doing? Keep feeling good about you.

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Dear Beth:
My 13-year-old daughter has been invited to sleepovers at her friends’ houses during the school week. While the school year is ending, and homework seems to be lessoning, I still feel that sleepovers during the week distract my daughter from school.

Meanwhile, my daughter tells me that she and her friends— and their parents— think I’m being too strict. What are your thoughts on this issue?
— Kim, Armonk, New York

Kim,
Do you detect a subtle manipulation here? When your daughter made you aware of her friends’ parents’ thoughts about sleepovers during the week, could that have been an attempt to undermine you?

One crucial word that parents of teenagers should have imbedded in their brains is “consistency.” If your rule is no sleepovers during the school week, there should be no sleepovers. You can thank your daughter for sharing the opinions of other parents, but explain that you will not change your rule. Sleep and structure are important for most teens. Let your instincts be your guide; you seem to know what works for your teen and your home.