End In Sight?
Don't be a suicidal teen.
by Tammy Ruggles
TWEENS & TEENS News May/June
2008
If you’re a teen considering suicide,
let someone know what you’re thinking.
Your mother, father, friends and loved ones
won’t know what’s going on in
your head unless you tell them about it.
If you have no family members to talk to,
or they just don’t seem to understand,
talk to a teacher, a counselor or someone
in a position to help you. Other people are
interested in you and will listen to you,
even people you don’t personally know.
Try to label what you are feeling. Is it “loneliness,”
“divorce,” “death,”
“fear,” “guilt,” “confusion”
or “shame?”
Words are power. Once we say the words, we
can start to deal with our feelings. Talk
to your best friend, aunt or uncle, and ask
them to get help for you.
Suicide is final. You can’t return to
this life once you leave it. Think about the
people who will be hurt by your death. What
you do affects people around you. You are
useful, important and special, and you have
a purpose in your life. It’s up to you
to find out just what that purpose is. Maybe
your purpose is to be a good parent, helper,
teacher, nurse, mechanic, business person
or whatever else appeals to you for you to
do and be in the world.
No matter what you may think, no one wants
you to die. Your death will cheat and hurt
others, and you will miss out on the chance
to grow as a person and overcome life’s
obstacles. There are real people who care
about you. These people may be your family
members, but maybe they haven’t shown
you or told you of their love for you in a
way that you needed— or in a way that
mattered to you.
The pain isn’t your fault. You can’t
help you feel, but you can help how you act
upon those feelings. Suicide is not the answer
to your pain.
Sometimes our feelings come from being depressed
and cause chemical changes in our brains.
Medication can help correct this imbalance.
Once you work on your problems, you can move
on in your life.
It may seem impossible to go on, but there
is always hope. Don’t lose hope! Don’t
think that your temporary problem will last
forever. Tackle it, because there is always
a way to solve your problems, no matter how
tough the process seems.
There is a better day ahead. Give it a chance.
You likely hear a lot of music, see a lot
of videos, read a lot of stories and watch
a lot of movies about suicide. Sometimes suicide
is glamorized or made to look tragically beautiful
and poignant, but there is little beauty in
the reality of your body lying on an embalming
table.
If you believe in a higher power, whatever
or whoever it may be, then believe that you’re
loved and you’re wanted to live. Try
saying a prayer. Next week can be different.
Next month may seem brighter, and you alone
may be the only one to make that happen. It
is fine to lean on others for support. However,
sometimes we have to do the work ourselves,
even when it seems useless. Find a way to
love yourself. You are unique. No one else
is like you in the world. No one else has
your fingerprints, DNA, the sound of your
voice, or the way you think, move, and breathe.
If the feelings of depression and helplessness
don’t go away, talk to a counselor.
Therapists understand depression and suicide,
and will know how to talk to you. Ups and
downs in your life are normal. Everyone has
good days and bad days. But serious depression
and thoughts of suicide need professional
attention, so get help now.
If you have written a suicide note or have
a plan to kill yourself, show it to somebody
right now, or tell someone who can help you.
Be an example for someone else. You aren’t
alone. A lot of people feel like you do, and
some fail to get help in time. Share your
feelings, rise above your pain and lead others
through the dark tunnel you’re in and
get out to see the sunshine.
The world can be a weird, crazy place, but
a lot of good can be found in it too. You
can find happiness, especially if you learn
how to handle the bad times without giving
up. Enjoying the good times and overcoming
the bad is one key to happiness.
Don’t let depression overcome you. Imagine
that you are a warrior or a soldier fighting
a battle, and that you won’t give up.
Here are some additional exercises to help
you sort out your thoughts and feelings:
•Think of what is good about your life.
Write these things down.
•Think of what is bad about your life.
Write these things down.
•Think of things you or someone else
can do to help. Write these steps down.
Some people hurt themselves out of anger
or revenge, wanting parents or friends to
pay for mistakes and wrongdoings. Yet, a counselor
can support you in finding positive ways of
dealing with your anger and pain, and may
teach you new ways to express yourself.
Some suicidal people actually want to be stopped
or rescued at the last minute. They will plan
their suicide at a certain place and time
to allow others to save them in time. This
is a definite cry for help. Therapy can help
you learn how to ask for help instead of acting
out to attempt to get it.
Practice saying to others and yourself all
the good things about yourself. Believe in
your heart that you can change how you feel
and what you think about yourself. The only
person you can control is you— take
control today. Believe in yourself, be proud
of yourself and be your own best friend, regardless
of what other people say to or about you—
and no matter what has happened to you in
your life.
There are countless stories of people who
have suffered terribly, from abuse, disease
and war. The common thread is that they all
survive and overcome hardship because of their
mental attitude. A positive attitude is as
important to our well-being as food, clothing
and shelter.
One way to believe in yourself is to get to
know yourself. Write a personality profile
of yourself, featuring your likes, dislikes,
what you want out of life, what you love,
what you hate, what you believe, what you
disbelieve and why. Find your skill, talent
or strength, and develop it. Make it work
for you.
Your history does not have to keep you down.
If you have family problems, now or ones that
are surfacing from sometime in the past, get
a social worker, counselor, nurse, friend,
police officer— someone— to listen
to you.
Use the negative parts of your life to make
you stronger instead of weaker. Maybe you
can help a younger kid who is thinking about
taking his or her own life.
Find a place to be busy and useful. Show off
your abilities and talents. Make yourself
get noticed. Your strengths and talents can
possibly lead to a good job in the future,
and the key to finding a satisfying job is
to follow your passion and set career goals
based on that passion. If you like to sketch
or paint, perhaps you will be a good graphic
artist someday. If you love to read and write,
perhaps you’ll be a great literature
teacher or editor in the future.
If you’re considering suicide, it means
you need help and aren’t getting it
or asking for it. Do something about it. Don’t
wait.
If you are ashamed to ask for help, realize
that asking for it isn’t being weak.
It takes a strong person to seek support.
Strong people talk about the problems in their
lives. Strong people realize that having a
problem doesn’t make a person weak,
it just makes a person human, and all humans
need help from time to time. Think of the
biggest celebrity or most successful athlete
in the world today. That person also experiences
feelings of doubt, fear and confusion, just
like you. However, the person in question
persevered, and that’s what you must
do.
The rest of your life is waiting for you.
Take the first step toward it. Find a hand
to hold, and begin to move through your pain
and onto better tomorrows.
Tammy Ruggles is a freelance writer based
in Kentucky. She writes articles, short stories,
books and screenplays. Her book Peace (Clear
Light Publishing) was published in 2005.
