Decisions, Decisions, Decisions
Handling prom-time pressures.
by Jill Rigby

TWEENS & TEENS News May 2007

Prom night. At least 1,000 decisions to make. For girls: the style of your dress— short or long, vintage or recent fad? The color of your dress— red hot or classic white? Hair up or down? Go with a friend or with a date?

For boys: sport a make-a-statement cummerbund or wear a traditional black band? Buy a wrist band or corsage? What about where to spend the night?
And the list goes on.

To aid in your decision-making and make this evening all you’ve ever dreamed it could be, I’ll offer some sage advice.

The Perfect Look
Some styles come and go, but many looks return from one generation to the next. When I look around at today’s fashions, it feels like I’m back in high school, seeing platform shoes, tent dresses, half-tucked shirts, hobo bags and everything denim. All were great clothes back then, and they remain great today. Stick with classic styles and your look for prom will be timeless.

Just for Girls
There’s more to consider than color and style when it comes to your prom dress. When you’re looking in the mirror to check the fit, consider this thought: Your dress tells the world how much or how little you think of yourself.

Being pretty is much more attractive than being sexy. If you leave something to the imagination, you’ll be doing yourself a favor. Fashion magazines may make you think the opposite is true, however, they’re not trying to help you have a great prom experience. Be mindful that fashion magazines typically showcase runway looks and advertisers’ clothes, not high school wardrobes.

Think about what you want to convey when you pick out your prom dress. Do you want to appear pretty or sexy? To be told you look pretty is a real compliment. Whereas any girl can look sexy, it takes someone special to look pretty.

Just for Guys
Guys— girls want you to look older. I know that sounds weird, but it’s the truth. There’s something appealing about a high school guy who doesn’t look or act like a high school guy. (Ask your sister, gal cousin or friend for proof.) Tuck in that shirt, polish those shoes and wear the classic look. This gets the girls every time.

Forfeit the “bad boy” image on prom night. You’ll be remembered better if you clean up and shape up.

The Perfect Date
This is the part of prom that makes nearly everyone miserable. You’re probably wondering, do I forget the date thing and just go with a group? It seems every school is different in how this works, but having a date for prom night, even if you usually hang in groups, adds to the excitement of the evening. It sets the night apart as special.

Getting it Right
Choosing the right person for your date can “make or break” your prom experience. While popularity and looks may seem key, it is of much greater importance to find a date with similar values and expectations for the evening. Knowing what you’re getting into before the night happens helps you to avoid some of the pitfalls that can ruin your prom.

Getting it Straight
Ask your date at least a month ahead of time, and stick to your decision. Work with your prom date to figure out the ideal limousine or other way of getting to and from the prom— and collaborate about prom-related details, including after prom and weekend plans.

If you’re going away for prom weekend, discuss all your plans with your parents so there won’t be any unwelcome surprises. Find out who’s paying the bills. Will your parents help out or will you need to earn extra money? Don’t wait until the last minute to work out these details. Be open with your parents from the start.

The Perfect Night
Believe it or not, up to this point in the prom planning, you’ve tackled the easy decisions. Now it’s time to think through the tough ones. To drink or not? To smoke or not? To have sex or not? These decisions need to be made long before you start shopping for the perfect dress or perfect tuxedo. Thoughtless decisions can spoil your perfect evening.

Just as clothing styles prove that “everything old is new again,” let me convince you to make the old standards of morality new again. Even if no one in your group seems cool with saying “No,” you can be the first one to step up with the courage to resist alcohol, drugs and sex, rather than settle for the guilt and problems that come with following the pack.

Don’t Lose Your Mind
Make your decisions with the morning after in mind. When you wake up the next day, do you want to have a roaring headache from alcohol or just feel tired from a late night out? Do you want to remember this night without being embarrassed by stories of your behavior?

Why act like somebody you’re not because you’ve consumed a substance that makes you do things you’d otherwise not do? Anything that alters your mind or your judgment keeps you from being the real you. Don’t make the mistake of thinking you can handle risky behavior. Not only will you put your life and those you’re with in danger, you’ll run the risk of changing the course of your life.

Don’t Lose Your Soul
Having sex may not be illegal according to the laws of our land, but sleeping with someone for the sake of prom night is typically wrongful. Do you want to give away a part of yourself you can’t take back?

While you can’t always control the sexual images thrown at you from Hollywood and the media, you can control your own decisions. Respect your mind and body because no one will respect you if you don’t respect yourself.

I can feel your eyes rolling at me as you likely think, “everybody’s doing it.” Though in today’s crazy teen world that might be close to the truth, it doesn’t mean you should succumb to pressures.

Find the right outfit. Ask the right date. Make the right decisions. You’ll have the night of your dreams.

Jill Rigby, author of Raising Respectful Children in a Disrespectful World (Howard Books/Simon & Schuster) is an accomplished speaker, columnist, television personality, family advocate and founder of Manners of the Heart Community Fund, a non-profit organization bringing a return of civility and respect to our society. Whether equipping parents to raise responsible children, encouraging the education of the heart or training executives in effective communication skills, Rigby’s definition of manners remains the same— have an attitude of the heart that is self-giving, not self-serving. She is the proud mother of twin sons.