Am I Depressed?
Understanding the warning signs and knowing
when to get help.
by Nathan Naparstek, Ph.D
TWEENS & TEENS News February
2007
When Tina first stepped foot in my office, she
was 13 years old and couldn’t remember
the last time she had truly felt happy. She
was a good student who lived in a nice home.
She didn’t appear to have any reason to
feel unhappy and depressed. Yet, Tina’s
interest in school and her weekly horseback
riding and dancing lessons had disappeared,
and she talked frequently about wanting to die.
Each morning, Tina awoke hating the thought
of school and wanting to avoid the endless stresses
of getting there, being there and dealing with
her teachers and classmates. Things were no
better at home. Every time her Mom or Dad asked
her to do her homework or to help around the
house, Tina felt angry and she silently wished
her parents would leave her alone. Tina hated
herself and believed she was a burden to her
family. She admitted that she spent part of
every day crying. Tina also said she avoided
seeing friends because she detested “putting
on an act” by pretending to be interested
in their activities and conversations. Tina
could no longer get a good night’s rest,
making her tired and grumpy all the time.
Although Tina and her Mom constantly fought,
the despairing daughter didn’t want to
upset her Mom. As a result, Tina withheld her
feelings of hopelessness and sadness. She felt
that she was a bad person because she had such
negative feelings, and she assumed that everyone
else felt the same way about her.
Until the day she arrived in my office, Tina
had suffered in silence. Her parents had no
clue that she was depressed. They didn’t
think that their daughter could be so sad, and
they closed their eyes and ears to what she
was truly feeling. They had no clue why Tina
was feeling miserable and often starting arguments.
Once her parents understood that it was the
“depression” causing the problems,
they immediately became more sympathetic and
understanding of her.
Tina and her parents continued to see me for
six months on an every-other-week basis. Together,
we worked on building strategies to improve
Tina’s ability to deal with stress and
conflict, as well as ways to improve her self-esteem
and communication skills. We talked about helping
her to exchange negative thoughts for more positive
ones, and discussed activities such as diary-writing
and painting to encourage her to share her feelings.
I also suggested that her parents actively listen
to Tina’s feelings without judgment.
Little by little, Tina began to feel more confident.
She started enjoying time with her friends and
described herself as feeling happy again. We
also worked with Tina’s teachers, who
were made aware of Tina’s special needs
and offered her extra help and compassion. Tina’s
grades eventually improved to where they were
before the depression took hold. By working
with Tina’s family and the key people
at her school to address her needs, we were
able to treat her depression successfully.
About 12 percent of teenagers suffer from depression
and Tina was one of them. Fortunately, she was
able to get help because her pediatrician had
suggested to her mother that Tina seek help
from a child psychologist. However, most kids
with depression never get identified and suffer
in silence. In fact, only about 25 percent of
kids who suffer from depression actually receive
any help.
The Signs of Depression
Most adults, as well as kids, don’t
know how to recognize the signs of depression.
Tina had many of the signs: She was sad, tired,
grumpy, angry, withdrawn from other children,
and doing poorly in school. But only by talking
about killing herself did Tina get the attention
of her pediatrician.
Tina had been suffering from severe depression
for a full year before she got help. She knew
something was wrong with her but was ashamed
to tell anyone what she was truly feeling.
There is a sense in our society that kids
don’t have the right to have sad and
unhappy feelings. Parents often forget the
constant stresses of being a kid— having
people tell you what to do all the time and
never knowing how you stand with your friends.
Still, depression is more than the ordinary
pains of adolescence. Depression is an overwhelming
feeling of sadness and despair.
Depressed people generally experience
the following sentiments:
•I don’t care. If you are depressed,
you no longer feel interested in things that
used to be important to you.
•I can’t do it. One of the most
observable characteristics of depression is
a loss of energy, which may be accompanied
by a change in eating or sleeping patterns.
If you are depressed, you might have trouble
getting up in the morning, come late to school,
be constantly tired or even fall asleep in
class. You may also have trouble concentrating
and making decisions because your negative
feelings and thoughts tend to overwhelm you.
•I don’t like myself. If you are
depressed, you have low self-esteem and think
badly about yourself. You may even assume
that others have the same negative view of
yourself that you do.
•The future stinks. If you are depressed,
you see the world as a dark and unhappy place
where bad things keep happening and there
is little hope of things getting better.
•It’s all my fault. If you are
depressed, you might take ownership of problems
when you’ve done nothing to cause them.
Depressed kids, particularly younger ones,
are hard on themselves in part because they
tend to feel that they have more control over
a situation than they really do. For example,
a young child may blame herself for her parents’
divorce, thinking that if she had been a better
child, her parents would not have split up.
Nathan Naparstek, Ph.D, author of Is
Your Child Depressed? (McGraw-Hill), specializes
in the treatment of children and adolescents.
As a school psychologist with the Schenectady
City School District for the past 25 years
and a licensed psychologist in his private
practice for 16 years, he has worked with
several thousand children and their families.
How to Get Help If You Are Depressed
While you probably cannot schedule your own
appointment with a doctor, you can seek help
through several other ways:
1. Try to talk to your parents
about how you are feeling. If they have trouble
listening to you, then show them this article.
Try to pick a time when your parents are not
busy, and say that you have something important
to share with them— and that they need
to listen to you.
2. Don’t be afraid
to ask your parents to make an appointment
with a doctor or mental health professional.
3. If you feel that your
parents have been unresponsive or you are
not ready to talk to them, contact a teacher
or guidance counselor at your school. Somebody
at the school can work with you to address
the negative feelings you are experiencing.
4. Contact an adult relative
or friend of the family with whom you can
share your feelings. Ask for advice.
5. Don’t suffer in
silence. Reveal your feelings because depression
is a highly treatable condition. However,
nobody can help if you don’t open up
and share your sadness.
